Thursday, October 10, 2013

Cold Feet

If you are like me, in 1989 you weren't paying attention to comedy films that were ostensibly appealing to fans of country music and cowboy attire. But thankfully Netflix deemed to stream this film, and its cover art conveys exactly why you should watch it. Dayglo Country with Tom Waits, Keith Carradine and Sally Kirkland! But that's not all - Bill Pullman, Rip Torn and Jeff Bridges are in this too! It's a movie that's almost a good, clever comedy and almost a total abortion. So it will take some patience from fans of truly obscure cinema.
She paid good money for these things, so dammit, you are gonna see them. 
Okay, there's a plot to smuggle jewels from Mexico by sewing them into the belly of a horse. Once Carradine, Waits and Kirkland get to Montana--where Carradine's responsible, honest and gullible brother Bill Pullman lives--they are going to cut the stallion open and split the loot. But Carradine is not honest, and he steals the horse and splits. Waits is not exactly sane, so he comes after Carradine with Kirkland in tow. The two travel in a Winnebago and Waits spends most of his time pacifying Kirkland with food and protecting her from sex with radioactive miners. 
Yeah, that's Jeff Bridges as the bartender. He's in this for like two minutes, but he's a pretty memorable character. 

Tom Waits and Sally Kirkland wear so many great, late 80s outfits that you should probably watch this movie just to see them. Meanwhile, Carradine has reunited with Pullman, giving him a prize stallion (with secret jewels sewn inside his gut) and promising to straighten up and fly right. Of course, all the while, Carradine is making plans to sell the jewels and split. But Waits is just too clever and buys some really expensive boots from a local shop owner to pin down the whereabouts of Carradine. Then Waits makes a big mistake: he throws the expensive boots away, attracting the attention of Sheriff Rip Torn. 

Also, Carradine has a young daughter who has been at boarding school while he's been off doing his outlawry.  They all reunite at Pullman's farm, and then Waits and Kirkland show up, Waits wanting to kill Carradine, Kirkland wanting to marry him. Carradine agrees to marry, because he's a spineless weasel and he wants to stay alive. Waits agrees not to kill Carradine, and hijacks Pullman to lead him to the jewels. Torn disguises himself as a preacher to perform the wedding and arrest all three ne'er-do-wells based on absolutely no evidence. Aw, I guess it's a little complicated to relate here. So I'm just going to post more pictures of Tom Waits.
It's goofy and sometimes almost good. Watch if you love the idea of the cast members in a totally unrealistic cowboy comedy.


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