Kamikaze Girls

Kamikaze Girls is a Japanese movie starring two J-Pop stars. If you are into J-Pop you probably recognize them. If you aren't into J-Pop, it doesn't matter, so let's move on.

Kamikaze Girls is a Japanese movie about two cute girls. One is a rococo-obsessed Lolita who can embroider the hell out of shit. The other is a biker gang chick who seems like she would have made a good pair with Fonzie, except her bike is more of a Jetsons Bigwheel. She needs some really good embroidery done on her jacket. Somehow, the two become friends in spite of themselves.

Cute.

Cuter.

The quirkiness of the movie comes across in the way it is told. It's narrated by the rococo Lolita girl and she's clearly deranged, at least by non-Japanese standards. There's also an anime backstory segment, which is entertaining even if you aren't into anime and don't listen to J-Pop.There's some story of betrayal in there, too, but that's not really what I remember about Kamikaze Girls.

This happens.

And this happens.

And this guy is in it.

If you like quirky, highly stylized Japanese movies, there's no reason to not watch this ASAP. If you like cute Japanese girls, there's no reason not watch this ASAP. It's good, it's fun, it's heart warming and it's ridiculous.

RATING:

War in Space

If this poster makes the movie look cool... it's a trick.

War in Space was filmed in 1977 and is set in the distant future of 1988. It starts out pretty much what it must have been like to live in Japan in the late 70s. Butterfly collars and leisure suits abound. It's ostensibly a Japanese alternative to Star Wars, but this is just a trick (see: Message from Space for a real Japanese Star Wars).

My friend David Cawley informed me about this film. He's the sort of guy who really thinks a lot of old cheesy films are actually good, not ironically. He informed that this film is legitimately bad.

He's right.

It's a fairly typical alien invasion movie. Aliens want to invade. The people of Earth don't want them to invade. For some reason, there is a conflict. A bunch of Japanese guys and their pal Jimmy at NASA built a super space ship weapon to fight off the alien invasion when they thought it was going to happen a few years ago. But now it really is happening, and for some reason the super weapon space ship is still not ready. (Thanks OBAMA!)

The aliens, we discover, disguise themselves as humans. But if you peel off their masks, you see that they are not human at all. They have GREEN SKIN, and apparently never invented makeup. So masks was the only thing they could come up with to try to blend in and invade. Meanwhile, the aliens are also zapping the shit out of the Earth with their laser cannons.

There is quite a bit of spaceship-on-spaceship violence. Some bad subtitles add a bit of humor: "Shoot the ion rockets!"

Remember, this is the same year Star Wars was made.

Just wait till you see the caesarian Emperor of the Galaxy and his guard, horned Chewbacca.

 

But like I said, this movie sucks. It has some interesting elements, but if you are smart, you'll stop watching about 2/3 of the way through.

RATING:

Executive Koala

I only just recently found out that Executive Koala existed. For high concept weird, it doesn't get much more appealing than a guy in a plush koala outfit and business suit, with eyes glowing and holding an ax in his hand. Look at the DVD cover. That's what this movie is about.

Sort of.

This koala executive lives in a world full of humans. Also a white rabbit and frog appear, but these animal-people are anomalous. But not too bizarre to most of the normals, because people comment on how hairy Mr. Tamura is, but they don't scream, "HOLY SHIT! A GIGANTIC ANTHROPOMORPHIC KOALA!" It's kind of like seeing a black guy in Canada, I guess.

But this is only one prong of the weird. If you made all the characters normal humans, this story would still be completely bizarre.

It's the tale of mild mannered Mr. Tamura, a mid-level exec in a Japanese pickle company, the titular executive koala. His human wife disappeared three years earlier, and then his human girlfriend ends up murdered too. OOOPS. Of course one savvy detective is convinced Mr. Tamura is a killer. Mr. Tamura has no memories regarding the events surrounding the disappearance of his wife. And he totally does not remember murdering his girlfriend. He's in tears. HE LOVED THEM! There's no way this cuddly koala is a killer...

... or IS there? Has he repressed memories of his homicidal urges? It's twist upon twist upon twist upon HUH?

The only problem is that it's not all that interesting. It's definitely the only film of its kind of which I am aware. It's definitely worth a single watch for all fans of weird Japanese stuff. But it's really not as good as it should be.

"I'm not sure why this movie is not better."

RATING:

Funky Forest: The First Contact

Where to start with Funky Forest? First of all, it's Japanese. Secondly, it's a collaboration of three different film makers. Third, it's really really long. You'll be watching the first half thinking, "Okay, this is pretty weird and pretty good but this dance number is going on a little too long," and then you hit an intermission. That's right. This movie has an intermission, so get up, take a piss and fix yourself another gin and tonic, because the second half is going to blow you away.

The first half of the movie largely delves into the absurdities and foibles of normal human life. The second half causes you to suddenly realize that the story is actually taking place in the most bizarre version of Earth imaginable -- even weirder than actual Japan.

Sure, Guitar Brother is going to bring a smile to your face, maybe even make you snicker. But if you aren't laughing your ass off in wide-eyed amazement by the end of Do You Want to Go For a Drink? then you are seriously reading the wrong blog. I love weird, bizarro shit. The weirder the better. And this movie was so weird I could hardly believe it. Weirder than Eraserhead. And more fun to watch.

The Unpopular with Women Brothers

There are probably a few too many musical/dance bits, but just sit back and let them wash over you. You are taking part in Funky Forest. And you are never going to be the same afterward.

RATING:

Message from Space

The year is 1978. Someone in Japan saw Star Wars and wanted to recreate that level of sci-fi magic without doing any of the things that actually made Star Wars magical. That being said, Message from Space really is rather entertaining as a space opera in the tradition of the old Flash Gordan serials.  Naive, fun entertainment.

But it is not without its retro absurdities, so it is satisfying on many levels. It's extremely plot heavy; Wikipedia's synopsis is almost 2,700 words. I won't bore you with all that. I'll just say that the story doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but it is very satisfying as a feel-good adventure movie. The costumes and airships alone are reason enough to watch Message from Space.

Imagine Star Wars with these characters.

Eight magic walnuts fly through the galaxy searching out heroes to save the world. Have fun figuring out why these eight in particular are chosen. A Princess Leia and her body guard (unhairy Chewbacca?) go in search of the heroes the walnuts have chosen. Vic Morrow plays a cross between Obi-wan Kenobi and Jack Flack from Cloak and Dagger. He finds his walnut in a glass of Scotch. A deposed prince played by Sonny Chiba is forced to fight against his own people to save the universe. Yeah, it's epic.

Darth Vader with lots of horns.

Then someone decides that the only way to save the world is to blow up the world.

Parts also seem like a pagan Christmas pageant.

There are plenty of awkward scenes: R2D2/Twiki on guard duty holding what appears to be a long flintlock musket. The heroes floating through space without space suits, collecting space fireflies in a meteor belt. Epic battles in which everyone has a laser pistol in one hand and a sword in the other. And Gredo wants to marry Princess Leia.

Memorable quotes:

"Earth is on the verge of annihilation. That must not happen."

"Forget about your medals, [R2D2/Twiki]. There are more beautiful dreams in space."

RATING: